Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Discipline Book

We have been having a pretty good week I am scared I am going to jinx it. I told yall a few post back about the book I was reading and I think it has really helped me look at how I react towards Mason and choosing my battles. I wonder though if we are having good days because of how I am starting to view things or Mason is just having good days and we are about to hit a bump anytime now. Either way I am grateful we have had some wonderful times.

Being a new mom one thing that I have struggled with a lot is choosing the way I want to discipline Mason and handle those negative behaviors. The one thing I keep bumping into is to spank or not to spank. I feel like people look at you weird for choosing to do either one. So what is a new mom to do? Which way do you go? This is a struggle even between my husband and I because we where raised different.

***Side note this is just my personal opinion from my personal upbringing everyone does things different. This is what works for us.

What I like about this book is that it gives alternatives to spanking. This is important to me because I dont want spanking to be a norm in my house. The reason I say its important is because I know that can have consequences as the child grows up. Why do I say I know you ask?I grew up in a home where spanking was the main source of discipline. I did not like it and yes I followed the rules but not because of respect but of fear of what would happen if I did not. Even to this day as a adult when I commit a mistake it terrifies me to tell my parents. I know they wont spank me but I always think "OMG what will they say" I dont want my son to feel that way. My parents always spanked out of anger and I remember my mom saying "When I hit you ounce I just dont feel it and end up hitting you 5x" I understand you should not hit out of anger but it scared me that if a allow myself to use spanking as my main source that it will eventually lead to hitting out of anger and then to hitting with out feeling how many times I hit my child. Just the thought scares me. My upbringing is the main reason I choose not to use this method.

I dont know if Mason is a easy kid or what but the alternatives have worked for us. One of the things that I do with Mason is times out. I think I started using this when he was about one and now at 23 months if I tell him he needs to go sit down he understands. I have not done a "you have to sit there for this amount of time" I walk him to where he needs to sit (a carpet) he complains but I stay calm and tell him "you need to sit here because ..." I guess from just doing AP(attached parenting) I know my child but if he leaves his carpet still crying I walk him back to his carpet and say "You need to sit here and calm down ok" if he stands up with out crying and comes to me and says "mami mami" and hugs me I tell him "we dont hit or throw" whatever was the reason he had to sit down. This is usually how time outs work for us and I guess because I introduced it early I can do this when we go to the store but usually I sit with him.

Im not going to lie sometimes he pushes my buttons and those are the days that I say im having a rough time. Mason has gotten one spanking and I still feel bad about to this day I know it was out of anger. Right after it happened I felt like "oh no im opening the door that its going to lead to abuse" Im sorry I just think of all the what ifs because of how I was raised. I explained this to my husband who is pro spanking and said "lily only cause you spank him does not mean your going to beat him" I told him that I rather just not go there. He laughs because of how my brain works I think it confuses him at times

I picked up "The Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. I got to about page 47 and decided it was not the book for me. From what I got from it it should be the first resort instead of the last. I just kept thinking the whole time how this book gives me the excuse to spank and why I should. That is just not my parenting style so it did not sit well with me. Maybe I should have read it with a open mind and finished reading it because it could have had other helpful tips. So feel kinda guilty for not reading to the end. Im just stubborn and like my AP ways and why I like Dr Sears books.

I definitely recommend this book to EVERYONE whatever your discipline ways are I think it has tips for everyone
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